


Hello, Hello (I Don't Know Why You Say Goodbye)

by alafaye



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-03-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 08:30:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1338820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alafaye/pseuds/alafaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus wakes up from a coma with amnesia; he remembers nothing of Harry--or their daughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello, Hello (I Don't Know Why You Say Goodbye)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tacita1990](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=tacita1990).



> Written for the 2014 snarryglompfest (at LJ) as a pinch hit for tacita1990 and originally posted [here](http://snarryglompfest.livejournal.com/22442.html).

Severus slowly woke up, a headache pounding in his skull and a conversation going on around him. Two people, one of them sounded like a Healer and the other--Harry Potter? 

"Are you sure?" Potter asked, sounding worried and anxious and hopeful. Was that his hand squeezing Severus'?

"I am positive, Mr. Potter-Snape," the Healer replied. _Potter-Snape?_ Severus wondered in his head. "When I arrived this morning, the mediwitch on duty told me that his readings indicated that he would wake up sometime today. However, as with Muggles, we have very little information on head injuries and he could wake up next week."

Potter laughed weakly. "Doesn't matter. He is waking up soon."

"In time to see his son born," the Healer added with what sounded like a smile in his voice. _Son?_

"Could be a daughter," Potter replied back. 

The Healer took a deep breath. "Well, that is not my area. Head injuries are and the mediwitches know to notify me as soon as he wakes up."

"Thank you," Potter told him.

Footsteps, leading out of the room; the Healer had left and Severus was left wondering, with a Potter boy who was holding fiercely to Severus' hand. As Severus began to take stock of his injuries, Potter began talking. 

"I can't believe it," Potter said. "Waking up. I waited so long and now...and you've missed so much." Severus' hand was lifted and settled against--skin? A small leg kicked at Severus' hand and his eyes opened wide. Potter chuckled, oblivious to Severus' shock. "The baby misses you. I don't...the accident happened the day I realized I was showing. Do you remember that?"

"I certainly don't!" Severus roared. He sat up, forgetting for a moment that he was injured, and groaned at the pain. His eyes, blurry but still able to see, focused on Potter. Potter who was heavily pregnant and wide eyed.

"Severus?" Potter whispered, eyes tearing up. A smile tugged at his lips, but his face was worried. He pressed a button by Severus' bed and grabbed Severus' hand again. "Someone will be in shortly. We've been waiting for you to wake up."

Severus narrowed his eyes and tugged his hand out of Potter's grip. "Blasted boy--I can't imagine who has been waiting, but trust that I will find out what has been happening and who I will need to press charges against."

A mediwitch slipped into the room as Potter backed away from Severus' bed. "Charges?"

"Yes, charges," Severus hissed as he sat back when the nurse urged him to. "I can only assume from your conversation with the Healer that you have stolen something of my body without my permission and--"

"This is your child!" Potter yelled back hotly. "A child we both agreed we wanted and which we conceived in the same bed that we had sex in for the first time as a married couple!"

Severus growled. "And that is another thing--I doubt anyone will believe a marriage that one party did not agree to."

Potter's face tightened. "You proposed to me!"

"Mr. Potter-Snape!" another Healer called as she entered the room. She touched Potter's elbow. "The baby--don't think I forgot that your Healer said you had to keep calm because of your blood pressure. Come along, now. Let Mediwitch Smith do her job and let’s get you a cup of tea."

"And keep him out," Severus yelled at their retreating backs. Both mediwitch and healer looked askance at him, but Potter's back tensed up.

Severus shook his head and turned back to the mediwitch at his side. "Well? Am I going to live?"

She pursed her lips and said nothing. Severus scoffed. "Of course. People continue to see only a golden boy in Saint Potter. Nothing more. And I continue to be the villain. Ow!" He glared at the mediwitch.

She pulled back her wand and held up two vials of blood. She smiled tightly. "Just getting some samples, sir."

Severus narrowed his eyes. She raised her eyebrows. "Are you in pain, sir?"

"A bit," he admitted. 

"Well, I'll be sure to let the Healer know," she replied. "In the meantime, you can’t have anything for the pain until he says so."

"I thought you could at least give me a mild pain potion," he countered.

"Oh, no, sir, we couldn't even try that," she said. "Given how shoddy your memory is, one can't tell what will make it worse."

As she left, he wondered what exactly she meant by that. He began to mentally take stock of his body--sore as one would expect from months in bed (if months it had been)--but as he looked over his skin and limbs, everything seemed to be intact and healthy. Looking at his hand, however, brought another shock.

With a snarl, he threw his ring across the room and he smirked at the satisfying sound it made hitting the floor.

~~~

Hermione squeezed Harry's hand. "Harry, remember your breathing."

Harry breathed in and out as his midwife had taught him to months ago. "Difficult."

"I know," she soothed. Her face was pinched and he smiled at her weakly.

"It's fine," he told her. "I'm fine."

She glanced at the machine measuring his blood pressure. "You have to calm down. The baby--"

Harry groaned. "Is coming."

"It's too early," she reminded him. 

"Only by a month," he argued. "If she wants to come, she's coming."

"Just anxious to meet her papa?" Hermione teased.

He huffed out a laugh and sat back. The contraction had eased and he reached for his cup of ice chips. "I don't which of them it's more suited to, being anxious to meet the other. Severus or her."

"Are you sure it's a girl?" she asked as she sat on the edge of his bed. So far it was only the two of them at the hospital, but Ron would be over in a few hours once his shift was done and Molly was waiting for Arthur to go home so he could watch Rose.

Harry rubbed his stomach. "Severus wants a girl."

Hermione frowned. "He doesn't remember?"

It felt like hours ago that Severus had woken up, angry and talking as though he didn't remember anything of his and Harry's life together. To Harry, the morning he had told Severus that the Healer had confirmed Harry's pregnancy had been a lifetime ago. Hours, lifetimes--time had become fleeting as his stomach had rounded out around their child and Severus had not woken up.

The accident had been a day of minutes that flew by and at the end of it, no one was sure what was going to happen. A potion had exploded in Severus’ seventh year class, the students escaping without injury. It had been down to Severus’ fast actions in sealing off the affected area; however he’d left himself vulnerable to the potion splatters. It had been a prank gone wrong and the students responsible had been expelled, given that it could have been much, much worse. But between the explosion and the ingredients being used, Severus had succumbed to a coma.

The day had started out...well...Harry had been brushing his teeth in the bathroom and Severus had been organizing his notes for the day ahead. Despite leaving work to become a stay-at-home father, Harry was not yet used to not waking up early, but it did allow him and Severus more time together. Harry's work day used to start two hours before Severus' and they usually had ten minutes in passing, as Harry was leaving and Severus waking up. Now, they woke at the same time and Harry smiled, remembering the small joy of seeing Severus barely dressed for the day, glasses perched at the end of his nose.

Harry finished brushing his teeth and rubbed his stomach as it churned, either from hunger or nausea--either was possible for him right now. As he did so, however, he caught sight of himself in his mirror. More specifically, his stomach. He turned to the side and blinked. And then smiled.

"Everything okay?" Severus asked as he walked by to their bedroom.

Harry nodded. "Yeah. I'm showing."

Severus backtracked and looked down. He stared blankly for a long minute. "It's real."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Sorry? Aren't I the one who is supposed to be unable to accept that there really is a baby growing in here?"

Severus cleared his throat and stepped into the bathroom. He cupped his hands around the very small bump. "I never thought--children, Harry, are meant for men who have a life to live. I...did not think I would have such a life. But I do and now there is a child, our child."

Harry covered Severus' hands with his own. "Our child."

Severus let out a deep breath and knelt down. "Hello, there. Our little one. I hope you're a little girl."

Severus ended up being a few minutes late to work, but it had been because he had spent some minutes talking to their baby. After the accident happened, Harry wondered if Severus had been injured, hadn't caught the prank in time, because he had been too lost in thought because of the baby. But many people had assured him that if Severus had been distracted, a lot more people would have been injured.

No matter that Harry had wished that Severus had been with him as their child grew, he was glad that no one else had been hurt or, worse, dead.

Even if Severus didn't remember.

Harry sighed. "No, he doesn't."

Hermione rubbed Harry's arm. "He will. In time, he'll remember."

"But what if it's permanent?" Harry asked. "What if he never...it was like it was just after war, Hermione. As if I hadn't ever apologized and he hadn't accepted my apology. After all those months of hard work to make him see me as something other than the son of his hated school enemy--to think it could all be gone."

Harry winced and grabbed Hermione's hand as another contraction hit.

Hermione wiped his brow when it ended. "Then, Harry Potter, you know what you'll have to do."

He raised his eyebrows and she smirked. "If Severus can't remember, you'll have to make new memories. After all, he wanted this child as much as you did. You will simply have to remind him of that."

~~~

Severus kept his fingers from tapping against his leg as he walked to the Headmistress' office. He did not remember ever doing that--it must have been a new habit he picked up. Irritating and completely Potter's fault, he was sure. In the month since he had woken up, Severus had confirmed that yes, it had been years since the date he last remembered. To him, the war had only just ended; his last memory was of going to sleep just before Hogwarts was going to reopen. He had stepped down as Headmaster, but stayed on as senior professor in Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts. No other doors had been open to him for work and his sad finances had left him little choice but to remain.

His position, though, had given him more time for researching and less time spent teaching students who did not want to be studying the subject. He had had several projects already started and his last thought before sleep had been of hope--for quiet, for publication, for a new start. 

But perhaps that had been when it had started for him. He had still felt nothing but animosity toward Potter and yet he felt gratitude toward the boy. The Dark Lord was vanquished, for good, and with him had gone Severus' Dark Mark. No more visible sign of Severus' bad choices and he had taken any opportunity to show his clear forearms. And more than that, Potter had had the Ministry wipe Severus' record and award him an Order of Merlin, First Class. Severus hadn't wanted it, didn't ask for it, but he was grateful.

Was that all it took for Severus to welcome Potter into his life, his bed, his home, his heart? If so, then Severus was rather sad, to be so pathetic and lonely. He had spent most of his life single, little room for many friendships and only two lovers who had not lasted six months. But it hadn't been terrible; there were potions to create, potions to perfect, some to correct. Papers to write up and send off for publication. And while he despised teaching students who didn't want to be taught, it did fill up his days. With the backing of Dumbledore and Hogwarts money, there was funding for Severus to research so long as it helped the school in some fashion at the end.

He hadn't planned on living to see the end of the war; he only lived long enough to give Potter the time he swore he'd give him. See to it that Lily's boy lived, that the world was rid of the Dark Lord. But...it had been Potter who had saved Severus, in the shack. Somehow or other, Potter had saved Severus' life, gave him a new start.

Severus looked up at the gargoyle that guarded the entrance to the Headmistress' office. A new life? From all reports, Potter had indeed also given Severus' a new life. For all the change, the world Severus had gone to sleep in had been similar to his years after Lily died. But somehow, in the time that Severus had lost, Potter had given Severus a new home, a marriage, a child.

Child. Potter had given birth to the baby the night Severus had woken from his coma. A little girl with green eyes and black hair. Supposedly she had Severus' chin; Severus was torn between not caring and wanting to visit to find out for himself. Everyone Severus had spoken with thus far swore that the child was Severus, but Severus--his memory was gone; he hadn't learned to trust anything he hadn't seen with his own eyes. He had difficulty believing that the child was his.

The gargoyle moved and he jumped. Then swore. Too lost in his thoughts--Potter could sneak up on him (again) if he wasn't careful.

He climbed the stairs and found the door at the top open. Minerva was smiling. "Severus. I'm so glad to see you awake."

Severus inclined his head and took the seat before her desk. He accepted a cup of tea and sat back. "I've come to ask you a question."

She raised an eyebrow. "I had hoped we could talk some, but go ahead, Severus."

"I'd like to ask for a room, staff quarters," he said.

She was silent, studying him. "I did not think you would need a room, Severus. You have a home just beyond the gates."

He bit his lip to keep his temper from exploding outward. "With Potter."

She nodded. "Exactly."

He narrowed his eyes. "I am not sure if you know, Minerva, but I have lost my memories. To me, Potter and I are strangers. Why would I wish to live with a man who remembers a life I don't? Who would want me as the man he remembers but which I don't?"

She set down her tea and looked over his shoulder. He turned, following her sight, and saw Albus watching them from his portrait. Luckily, he said nothing, but his face was one of sadness. Minerva sighed. "Severus, I cannot give you a room."

"You would turn out one of your own staff?" he asked in disbelief.

"I would," she said firmly. "Because you have a home. Your name is on the deed, with Harry's. It is yours, financially. I know there are enough rooms there so the three of you will have your own beds. You need not share one with Harry." She took a deep breath. "I cannot force you back there, I know. And no one can force you to remember. You will remember in your own time, or not. But until you can make other arrangements, you have a home to stay in."

He set his tea down on the desk and stood. "Very well. I see where I stand here. I shall see you Monday morning for breakfast."

She raised an eyebrow. "You need not be here so early, Severus. Your position here is such that you are only required to be here for two evening meals a week. I suggest you take the mornings to ease back in."

He raised his chin. "Breakfast, then. I'll set my own schedule, thank you."

She was silent as he left, but he sensed two pairs of eyes watching him leave. He clasped his hands inside his sleeves as he left the grounds. He knew where this cottage was, not far from the castle itself but far enough to give an illusion of privacy. He wondered that he and Potter would be given such a place, so near the castle. He knew past staff members with family would be given ample rooms within the castle. Another gift unduly given to Potter? Why then would Severus allow it?

Time and again, Severus' thoughts wandered back to the idea that Potter had him under a potion or a spell or something other illegal plot. How else to explain it all?

He just could not accept that he would befriend, then love, then marry Potter. He couldn't.

~~~

Harry kept his foot moving, rocking the seat Lily was sleeping in. He could have set a charm, but he found that they both preferred when Harry rocked the seat. He glanced at the clock on the mantle--a few more minutes and she would sleep through an earthquake. He just had to keep it rocking a little longer. He returned to his papers.

"Now, let's see," he muttered to himself. It was difficult work, sorting through his and Severus' finances. In the month since Severus had woken up, it had become clear very quickly that Severus not only didn't remember their life, but did not want their shared life. It hurt, but Harry couldn't fault his hus--he threw down the quill and squeezed shut his eyes.

Would Severus want a divorce? Crossing his arms, Harry toyed with his wedding ring. He had received no paperwork and there were no whispers, but...Severus, Harry had been told, did not remember anything after Harry had begun his eighth year. He had no memories of the cautious friendship Harry had begun, no memories of their kisses, or their courting. There was nothing there that would demand they stay married. Oh, Harry could--and would--try to court Severus again, but until then--would Severus wish to divorce Harry?

And if he did, what of this cottage? Harry was unsure if the governors would allow him to remain so near the school even if Minerva might allow it. Harry wasn't a staff or faculty member and any tie he had to any faculty would be gone save for their daughter. And why couldn't Harry get a small flat in Hogsmeade to allow Lily to be close to her papa? No, if he and Severus divorced, Harry would have to find somewhere new to live.

Harry took a deep breath and looked at the stack of paperwork on the coffee table. He had been going through their shared finances because he suspected it would make both their lives easier. Severus needed more funds than he got through the school for the projects he had going on and there was the conference coming up in July that would need paying. And if Severus did not want to share his life with Harry, he would want their finances separate, right? It was just so difficult; seven years together, four of them married, and their money was very closely tied. Harry needed to go back, to the very beginning, to sort it all out.

~~~

Severus, lost in his thoughts, didn't realize he was at the cottage until he was walking along a stone path he did not know. He had walked the grounds of Hogwarts many time as a student and teacher, knew them almost intimately. But this--he looked up and pursed his lips together. The cottage wasn't impressive and almost blended in with the trees behind it. He felt a flash of fear, something unknown, as he briefly thought of the baby--grown to a toddler--wandering into the Forbidden Forest. There were so many dangers, so many ways a little child could be hurt or killed.

He shook his head. What did it matter to him? The child was solely Potter's responsibility now, not Severus'. As soon as he was able, Severus would move out of this place and into his former rooms. Resume his former solitary life as he preferred.

 _Do you really, though?_ his mind asked. Not teasing, not taunting. Just...curious.

Severus studied the front door--simple, a rustic door that matched the equally rustic stone walls and windows, the garden lining the walls. Two floors, maybe an attic. It looked well kept. Nothing like anywhere that he had ever lived, but it felt like he could belong here. He wondered if he should knock, but this was his home. Even if the other people inside were strangers to him, he lived here. 

Swallowing hard, he opened the door. It opened to a sitting room, one that was welcoming and cosy. A moderate fireplace, framed by two wing back chairs; opposite, facing the chairs and perpendicular to the front door, was a sofa and coffee table. A door lead out of the room to the back, the small glimpse leading Severus to believe it was the kitchen. One of the walls held a door and a stairway. The sitting room was lined with books. As Severus entered, Potter looked up.

_Severus frowned as he hung up his cloak. Harry was staring at a piece of paper that lay on the coffee table. "Everything okay?"_

_Harry cleared his throat and held out the paper to Severus. "I got the results from the Healer today."_

_Severus took the paper in a rush. It couldn't be bad news again. Three times they had been let down; they were beginning to suspect that maybe they wouldn't ever have a child. But as Severus looked at the results--he smiled. "Positive."_

_Harry nodded. "Positive. I'm pregnant, Severus."_

_Severus let the paper drop and sat next to Harry. "Shall we celebrate?"_

_Harry raised his eyebrows as Severus leaned in to kiss his neck. "Celebrate?"_

_"Mm, I've had some idea for a while," Severus began. He unbuttoned Harry's shirt and began to push Harry back, to lay on the sofa._

_Harry smiled and opened his legs to make room for Severus. He grabbed Severus' hand and put it under his shirt, on his stomach. "Our child. Right now, growing."_

_Severus sucked in a breath and stared down at his husband. He kissed Harry. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you."_

_Harry chuckled. "Thank you, Severus."_

"Severus!" Harry called.

Severus gasped. "What?!"

A child began to cry. Harry cursed and lifted the baby up, setting her on his shoulder. He began to coo and pace. Severus watched, feeling helpless and lost. It hadn't just been the memory--it had been the emotions. The elation, the joy, the fear, the wonder, the hope, the love. All of it contained within a few moments of a shared life. A shared wish that had come true.

Severus hadn't thought of being a father since school, the stray passing thought of a future life with Lily. A future family--two children. Boys or girls or one of each, it didn't matter. But when Lily had married Potter and the war started, all such thoughts were shelved. To remember the emotions when Harry had received the letter from the Healer...

"Why?" he demanded over the screams of the baby.

Harry looked up, eyes wide. "Sorry?"

"Why did we have a child?"

Harry blinked. "Uh...because we wanted one?"

Severus snarled and slammed the door closed. The baby cried harder. "Shut it up!"

"She isn't an it!" Harry yelled back. He winced. "She's a baby, our baby, and her name is Lily."

Lily. Of course. "Naming our child without my permission? Severus sneered. "Did you think to ask me whether I approve?"

"You mean aside from the fact that we both agreed when I became pregnant that we liked the name Lily?" Harry snapped. "Besides, I didn't think you wanted to be involved with her life."

Severus ground his teeth together. "Why did we--"

"Wait," Harry hissed. He kept pacing, cooing to the ba--Lily. In time, she quieted down and Harry settled her into a sort of seat that he began to rock. "Don't even know why I put her down again--she's going to have to wake up soon for dinner."

Severus wrinkled his nose. "Well?"

Harry pulled at his temples. "Listen, I know that you want nothing to do with us, me and her, or our...former life together, but can you at least respect that while you want answers, she has to come first? For me, at least?"

Severus sighed. "I suppose I can. Babies are demanding, aren't they?"

Harry smirked. "Yes, they can be. I can't wait until she sleeps through the night."

Severus lifted his chin. "I have been told that I cannot have a room in the castle. Until I can find a flat nearby, I will be staying here. I trust you won't expect me to help you? With her?"

Harry's face broke. A little. As though Severus' words had wounded him. Severus wondered if there was something he could do to fix that, but--why should he? Aside from the memory that had returned, he didn't know anything of Harry. It was best that they go on in separate lives and he could not begin to do so if he apologized for something he had not done wrong. _But why do you now call him Harry?_ a voice asked him.

"No, of course I won't," Harry said quietly. He sucked in a breath. "I--I've always wanted children. When we began dating, I found a few Potions journals that concerned the work of several Potions Masters who had successfully created a potion that would enable male couples to have children. It would've been nice, but it wasn't that important. And I didn't ever think you wanted children. But, I don't know, two years into our marriage, you brought the subject up. You never told me and you never really said why you wanted children, but we agreed. We wanted to try."

"And we succeeded," Severus added.

Harry half smiled. "We did. It was difficult."

"Three times," Severus recalled.

Harry raised his eyebrows. "You remember?"

Severus cleared his throat. "I remember something about three, yes."

Harry shrugged. "On the fourth try, we succeeded." He smiled, exactly as he had in the memory. "You were so happy. Kept thanking me." He shook his head. "You brewed the potion--it was all because of you that we conceived."

Severus remained silent; what could he say? Harry lifted his head. "Sorry. I, ah, I've been going through our finances. Trying to separate out what's yours and what's mine. I assumed that you would want your part sooner."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "I would think you'd try to keep our life as it is."

"And I thought you would want a divorce," Harry countered. "And I've not yet received paperwork." He tilted his head. "Maybe we have different expectations of each other than what we actually want?"

Severus scoffed. "I tried to file the paperwork. Apparently, amnesia isn't enough to file for divorce. We are to give each other six months to decide if we can reconcile or if we are indeed incompatible now."

Harry hummed thoughtfully. "I see. Well, then, Severus--do you think you can live here for six months? To see if we can fall in love again?"

"Fall in love again?" 

"Yes. We did it once, you know. I know the last thing you remember is the night before my eighth year started. That was the year I convinced you to go on a date with me. I suppose I can try again."

Severus wondered if this was rather like time theory--that is, if now that he couldn't remember, they would create a different reality. A new branch. Could he stand to live with this man for six months, to give him the chance to make Severus fall in love with him again?

"I reserve the right to move out at any point," Severus remarked.

Harry shrugged. "That's fair."

Severus sniffed. "Then...yes, I shall live here. To give us a chance again."

When Harry grinned and Severus' stomach clenched, Severus swore it was only because he was still caught up in the emotions of that memory. Nothing more.

~~~

Lily was crying. She had started very quietly, but the level had quickly escalated. Harry had sworn he would only be in the shower for a few moments and yet it was long enough for Lily to begin. She had eaten, been changed, and napped recently. Severus wasn't sure what she could need as he had done his best to not be involved with her care and yet he wondered what more he could do.

He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists to keep himself from reaching out to pick her up. But her cries continued and the shower kept running. He lifted his eyes upward, counted to ten, but in the end, he picked her up and cradled her close, exactly as he had seen Harry do. In seconds, she had stopped crying to look up at him in wonder.

"Hello," he said, unsure of what to do now. Should he put her down? Only she might start crying again. He licked his lips. "I--I'm your papa, I suppose. Not that I...well. This is...odd for me. I don't recall ever wanting you. I suppose I must have, but I...your father will find someone else to love, you know. You'll have two parents and you'll never know that I was..."

He trailed off. She might one day know the truth. It had been two weeks since Severus had agreed to stay at the cottage with Harry and Lily. Two weeks of curt conversations, tense silences, awkward steps as they walked around each other in the house. Severus found himself acting one way and having Harry reacting in response, without thought or hesitation. It was...difficult. For so long, Severus had been alone and here was someone who had known Severus so intimately that he reacted instinctively.

And more than that, Severus found his body reacting to Harry's movements. He moved out of Harry's way without thinking, automatically went to one side as Harry went to the other. The first morning, Severus had gotten out two coffee cups that Harry had filled, both of them hardly awake. 

It was...disconcerting.

Lily cooed and Severus blinked at her. "Well. We'll sort all of it out in time, yes?" She smiled, a gummy smile that was beautiful and heart stealing.

_Severus froze as Harry walked over to him, holding his goddaughter. "No, Harry, I don't think--"_

_"You agreed to be her godfather with me," Harry said. "So therefore, you should hold her."_

_Severus stopped breathing as Harry settled the small bundle into his arms. She was...tiny. Looked the same as any other new born, but still tiny. She blinked her eyes open, blue eyes that found Severus'. And accepted him with a small sigh, burrowing into his arms. Harry giggled softly. "She likes you I think."_

_"Bloody miracle, that one," Ron muttered where he stood by Hermione's bed._

_"Hush," Hermione whispered, exhausted from the birth._

_Ron quieted down and Harry kissed Severus' cheek. "They've named her Rose."_

_"Rose," Severus echoed. Rose fussed a little and he adjusted her so he could wrap her back up. As he did so, she grabbed his finger in her fist. Strong and soft._

_Harry brushed away the little bit of hair she had and Severus watched Harry watch her. Harry's face was one of longing and Severus, holding such a small bundle that would one day become a formidable witch--being her mother's daughter, she would be nothing less--made a decision right then and there._

_"We have a conversation to be had at home," Severus told Harry._

_Harry looked up. "What?"_

_Severus smiled and kissed Harry's forehead. "I believe I should be acquiring the ingredients for a potion for us."_

_"Us?" Harry whispered, so softly and quietly._

_Severus nodded. "If you're ready, of course."_

_"We'll talk at home," Harry whispered, but his face was gleeful and hopeful. Severus knew that Harry's decision had been made as firmly as his own._

"Severus?" Harry whispered.

Severus blinked and found Harry standing before him, hands under his own where they held Lily. Harry's hair was damp and a drop of water lay on his clavicle. Harry frowned. "Sorry. I just...you looked...I wanted...I didn't think you drop her, but I worried that you might fall, but then you wouldn't want me to touch you, I think and I--"

Severus handed Harry Lily. "It's fine. I understand."

Harry sighed and kissed her forehead. "She started crying?"

Severus nodded. "Yes. I'm not sure why, but she stopped when I held her."

Harry smirked and rocked on his feet. "Maybe she knows her papa? I often put your hand against my stomach when you were in the coma."

Severus leaned against the counter, forgetting about putting together a late breakfast. "Why?"

Harry looked up, confused. "Because...I thought that if you hadn't been in the coma, you would have wanted to touch all the time. The morning of your accident, I realized that I was showing. And you were so...you talked to her, for ten minutes. It made you late for your classes."

Severus took in a slow, deep breath. "I was excited?"

Harry nodded. "Very."

"I don't..." Severus' eyebrows pinched together as he frowned. "I wish I could remember. It seems so important to you."

Harry licked his lips. "And why should it matter if it's important to me? No," he said firmly when Severus opened his mouth. "Hear me out, Severus. Despite you being here, despite how natural and in love with her you looked just now, you've said to me that you don't want to remember, don't want to stay here with us. But then there are times when you say something or do something that contradicts that."

Severus looked away. "Did you do this a lot? Ask me to explain myself?"

Harry was quiet a moment. "I learned very early on, Severus, that I needed you to explain yourself or nothing you did or said to me made sense. You were a very difficult man to date, you know. I hardly knew if you were happy with my restaurant choice or not. And I often found that if I asked the questions in a certain way, you would tell me if there was something you liked and I knew you were happy with the service we received. Or if you remarked on something that you disliked, we never went to the restaurant again."

Severus thought that one over. "You learned how to handle me."

Harry shook his head. "No. You are not something to be handled, Severus." He set Lily back down in her chair by the table and began another pot of coffee. "You are...a thoughtful, deep man whose thoughts and experience with everyday life are to be heard properly. You don't merely like or dislike a place or food or movie or experience. It was like learning a new language with you and I...I liked learning it. And I began to speak it back to you."

The memory he'd just recalled, where he had said one thing and Harry had heard what he had meant, echoed in Severus' mind. He got out two cups as Harry set out the milk and sugar. Harry smiled at the cups. "And I never said that you should explain yourself to me--you only heard that that's what I meant. Do you see?"

Severus crossed his arms. He did. "Impossible brat."

Harry smiled cheekily. "That's me."

Severus shook his head, but it was a fond gesture. He wondered at himself, at the revelations the morning held. "I am...unsure of my contradictory nature. I feel as though I should not force myself into a life I do not remember and should try to begin anew. After all, my memories are gone; perhaps there is a reason? But then there is a sense of ease, want, to our life such as it is, even though, to me, we are strangers now."

Harry appeared to think that over. "I see." He worried his lips; Severus watched, unable to stop himself.

_"Must you do that?" Severus hissed._

_Harry looked up, hand in the air as he paused in his explanation over the theory of a wizard in possession of three wands. It was heated topic among scholars and it seemed it had caught Harry. "Sorry?"_

_Severus, without thinking, rubbed Harry's bottom lip with his thumb. "This. Biting your lip. It's very distracting."_

_Harry slowly smirked, but blushed as he did so. "Distracting, huh?"_

_Severus narrowed his eyes. "Whatever it is that you are thinking, I would advise you to stop."_

_Harry tilted his head considering Severus. "Well, we'll have to see about that."_

_Before Severus could stop Harry or even ask, there were lips over his own, dry and chapped. Hands on his forearms, a warm body pressed against his own. As the kiss ended, Severus began to breathe again. "No one has ever kissed me without my permission and the number who have kissed me is even smaller than the number of fingers on my hand."_

_Harry beamed. "Good. At least I get to be your first something."_

_Severus blinked. "Sorry?"_

_Harry chuckled and slipped his hand into Severus'. Another first. No one held his hand in public. "I suspect that a great number of your firsts weren't innocent or nice or delightful," Harry said. "I want to give you better second ones."_

"A second life," Severus whispered.

Harry jumped. "Sorry?"

Severus swallowed hard. "You. I just...our first kiss."

Harry half smiled and blush. "That. Bit reckless of me. You could have easily hexed me for that."

"But you wanted to give me better second ones," Severus reminded him.

Harry shrugged and looked away. "I did. Do. Because I think you deserve them. You're not a bad man, Severus. Just because you made some bad decisions and dabbled a bit too much in Dark Magic doesn't make you a bad man."

"Many would think so," Severus challenged.

"Who cares about them?" Harry countered. "I certainly don't. And we all of us deserve a little innocence in our acts."

Severus straightened his back and poured his cup of coffee. Swiftly, he added a little milk. "I have to--"

Harry waved his hand. "Go. I can tell you need some time alone. But, Severus?" Severus looked up. Harry, leaning against the counter with his hair still wet and with a drop of water still clinging temptingly to him, smiled softly. "With me or not, you deserve a good life with a good partner. I still believe that."

Harry was too good for his own good, Severus thought as he swept out of the kitchen. And much too good for Severus.

~~~

_The evening was cool, almost cool enough to light a fire. School would be starting in a week, but it was still seven days away in which Severus planned to make use of the new bed. He smiled into the darkness, pleased. Harry yawned where he lay on Severus' chest. "This is nice," he said._

_Severus hummed and rubbed Harry's shoulder. Harry kissed his shoulder. "But you still haven't told me why we suddenly have a cottage here."_

_"Special privilege for men who marry war heroes," Severus said quietly._

_"Special--" Harry sat up and Severus frowned. "Marry?"_

_Severus sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "If you'll have me, of course."_

_"No," Harry growled as he straddled Severus' hips. Severus blinked and gripped Harry's hips. "Not like this."_

_"Sorry?" Severus asked. "You, who doggedly pursued me in your last year of school, who begged me to let him move in--you are turning me down?"_

_Harry crossed his arms. "I'll not accept a thrown out proposal from a man who is fluent in several languages."_

_Severus narrowed his eyes. "Surely you don't expect me to get down on one knee and offer you a box?"_

_Harry smirked. "I do expect that you have a ring you picked out months ago--or, rather, had commissioned. It was likely delivered within the last month, just when this cottage was finished. You sent in a request to my commanding officer so that I might have some time off, provided I still receive time off for a honeymoon within the next year. And more, I expect that you offer me a proposal in bed in an off handed manner, but to present me with the ring as you kissed me."_

_Severus slowly smiled and picked up the box where it had been hiding in plain sight behind a book. He pulled Harry down for a kiss and handed over the box. "Now, will you say yes?"_

_Harry grinned into the kiss. "Always."_

Severus woke with a smile. _Always_ If the memory was any measurement, Severus would have answered the same. He turned over onto his side and watched the sun rise through the curtains. It was just a handful of months away from September, but it still felt to Severus that he was still there, with Harry. Like children, marriage had not been on his list of things he thought he wanted or would have. 

It seemed that Harry had broken all his expectations. But then, he supposed as Lily started crying and he stirred, driven by a need he didn't understand to sooth her tears, maybe his expectations had not been what he really wanted. Maybe...maybe they had just been what he had told himself to settle for. 

~~~

Harry was distracted that morning. He kept glancing at the windows, looking at Severus out of the corner of his eye, bouncing his leg. Severus waited. 

By lunch, Harry finally said something. "It's been six months," he began.

Severus turned a page in the newspaper and nodded. "Indeed. Six months."

Harry sighed and pulled the paper out of Severus' hand. Severus raised his eyebrows and sat back. "Yes?"

His husband narrowed his eyes. "Six months, Severus. Where are the divorce papers?"

Severus smirked. "There are none."

"None?" Harry repeated. He sat back in his chair, repeated the word again silently, and looked at Severus again. "None?"

"No," Severus told him. "And I don't intend there to be any."

Harry swallowed hard and stood up. He walked a few steps toward Severus. "You want to stay married to me? Want to help me raise Lily?"

"And perhaps another child, yes," Severus added. He grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him down onto his lap. "Hello, Harry Potter-Snape."

Harry smiled softly. "Hello, Severus Snape-Potter."

Severus wrapped an arm around Harry's waist and lifted his other hand to kiss where his wedding finger lay. "I may have forgotten to give you something when I next saw you, but you failed to give me the same thing."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

Severus tilted his head up and kissed Harry hello. "And now you have my first hello kiss."

Harry giggled and gave Severus one of his own. "That was the finest hello of any kind that I've ever received."

"Mm, hopefully there won't be any more of those kisses," Severus mused. A green glob landed on Harry's cheek and they both turned to Lily who grinned at them. "She has your aim."

Harry snorted and lifted himself off Severus' lap. He took one step toward Lily before Severus stopped him. Harry frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Let me," Severus offered. "Go clean up and I'll see if I can get her to finish her lunch."

Harry grinned and pulled Severus down for another kiss. "I know you've not yet remembered everything, but you are still my Severus. You never left."

"But I was gone," Severus whispered. He leaned his forehead against Harry's. "I'll try not to leave again."

"And I'll try not to leave at all," Harry promised back.

Severus nodded. "Right. You, sink. I'll take on our young miss."

Harry licked his lips and walked toward the sink. But he stopped a moment and turned around. He pulled something out of his pocket and held it out to Severus. "The mediwitches at Saint Mungo's gave this to me before I left with Lily."

Severus blinked and opened his hand. Harry dropped the object and Severus swallowed hard as his wedding ring fell into his hand. He looked at Harry who smiled softly. Severus slid it back on his finger and nodded. Harry winked and turned back to the sink.

Rolling up his sleeves, Severus regarded his daughter solemnly. "Now, for you. We haven't been properly introduced and I do not think that a meal that you are not interested in eating is the best place to start, but we all must start somewhere. I'm your Papa, you are my Lily. Let us begin, shall we?"

Fin


End file.
